


Don't Leave Me Now; Don't Say Goodbye

by MarchOfTheFalseHeteros



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, CW: period-appropriate homophobia, HIV/AIDS, I wrote this while high, Letters, M/M, Original Character(s), cw: blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 19:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchOfTheFalseHeteros/pseuds/MarchOfTheFalseHeteros
Summary: Final letters from Shoshana Matos, Whizzer's little sister, to her brother.





	Don't Leave Me Now; Don't Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I orphaned "I Will Stand In The Dark For You" because I figured I'd never have the time or energy to finish it, but i had the final chapter saved because I was really proud of how it turned out. My dumb ass accidentally deleted the file, however. This is my attempt to recreate it, which I THINK I did okay at- I actually think it reads better than my original version.

12/25/1981  
Micah,  
Merry half-Christmas, _achoti-leh!_  
Hope wherever you are, it’s warmer than here, haha.  
Went to Ma’s today, opened a few presents- I got her a scarf, she got me these beautiful faux fur-lined boots. You know I wouldn’t accept anything with real fur (not that Ma could afford it, haha.)  
Haven’t heard from you in awhile, big bro. I know you’re busy and all, but you rarely go more than a week without writing me. Just wondering what’s up. I miss you. Love you, Micah.  
Sho  


1/9/1982  
Micah,  
It’s been about two weeks since you last wrote. I’m starting to get a bit concerned. If you’re swamped with work, let me know.  
I just want to make sure you’re okay- I’ve heard of this disease spreading around in the New York area affecting gay men, so that’s making me a bit on edge. Maybe I’m just being a Jewish mom, I don’t know.  
Either way, write me soon.  
Sho  


1/20/1982  
Micah,  
Okay, I’m officially worried now. Almost a month? Really? When gay men are dying left and right?  
Hell, if you’re mad at me, if I’ve done something wrong, just tell me. I can’t keep being worried like this.  
_Ani ohevet otkha, achoti-leh._  
Sho  


1/25/1982  
Shoshana,  
Hello. My name is Marvin Cohen, and I’m your brother’s lover. I know the things Micah’s written have probably led you to be distrustful of me, but I need you to trust me now.  
I can’t tell you how much it breaks my heart to have to tell you this via letter. Sometime during the period when he and I were separated, Micah (or, as we call him, “Whizzer”) contracted the virus that's been spreading throughout the gay male community, and he passed away on Friday due to complications.  
We tried to insist that he write you to let you know what was going on, but he refused, not wanting to worry you. I hope it will be of at least some comfort to you that our little tight-knit family- myself, my ex-wife, her husband, my son, Cordelia, and her girlfriend Charlotte- were there for him every step of the way, and my son even had his bar mitzvah in his hospital room, for which I was unspeakably proud of him.  
I want to thank you personally for being such a good sister to him, especially throughout all my stupidity. He was lucky to have you.  
I wish to Hashem that we could meet under different circumstances. Dates and times for the temple services are attached.  
I hope to meet you soon.  
Marvin Cohen  


3/9/1983  
Micah,  
Happy birthday, bro.  
I can't believe it's already been a year since you've been gone. It seems like just yesterday you were starting college, and I was wondering how I could stand to be apart from you. Boy, was I in for a shock.  
I'm doing okay, overall. Not great; just okay. After the funeral I moved to Manhattan to be closer to your tight-knit little family. I figured they needed me, Marvin especially. He was the one most shaken by your death, I think- even more than me. He barely got out of bed after the shiva. He's been feeling more and more of what he calls the "flavor of happiness" lately, however.  
He didn't want you to know, but just before you died he found out that, at some point since the two of you got back together, he contracted the AIDS virus from you. Part of the reason he didn't want you to know, apart from not wanting to upset you, was that he didn't want you to feel as if it was your fault. He's been looking relatively okay lately, though- he's lost about 10 pounds and is a little more tired during the day, but it could always be worse. I've been trying to keep telling myself that.  
Trina's been handling it like a champ- she still gets up at 6am every day to clean and make breakfast. Good old badass Trina. Mendel's handling it as only Mendel can- with bad jokes and dorky dancing. Not that I'm complaining. He tells me he wants to pursue a license for child psychology, so he can better help kids like Jason. Speaking of him, he's...it's hard to explain. He's still so young, so I think it's hard to process for him. He's been having more outbursts lately. Mendel told me that just the other day, a boy in the hallway said the word "faggot", and Jason punched him until his nose poured with blood. I was proud, to be honest, though I wouldn't dare tell Mendel or Trina. He's a good kid. You raised him well.  
Cordelia...well, I haven't spoken to her in awhile. I think she's still in shock. I know she'll come to me when she's ready, though. I actually talk to Charlotte a lot. She says she feels powerless to stop whatever's killing her friends, but she feels it's her duty to do something, however little it may matter in the end. She told me Cordelia was right by your side in your final moments. I've always been grateful to Hashem that he brought you two together.  
I don't know why I wrote this. Maybe there IS an afterlife, or maybe Ma was right and nothing happens after we die. Maybe it was more for me than you. But I think I'm allowed that much after losing the person I was closest to in the world. But I do believe, as corny as it sounds, that you're still alive in my memories- you belting out Barbra Streisand when _Aba_ and Ma would have screaming matches downstairs, even though you knew he would yell at you for it. Those drunk letters you would send me in college detailing your many hookups. Sharing a joint last Hanukkah and cuddling each other on my old bed at Ma's house for hours. Or countless others. That's your legacy. That and your photographs, which I've submitted to the Museum of Modern Art, and will be featured in next month's AIDS awareness display. People will know who you are. You won't have died in vain, brother.  
In his letter telling me of your passing, Marvin told me you were lucky to have me. I don't agree. I was always the lucky one.  
Thank you for everything. See you on the other side, _achoti-leh._  
_Yom hu'ledet sameach.*_  
_Simeini chachotam alibecha, al z'ro-echa, ki-azah chamavet ahavah.**_  
Sho

**Author's Note:**

> *- Hebrew, “Happy birthday”  
> **- From Solomon 8:6: “Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thine arm, for love is as strong as death.”


End file.
